


I see him, I was him

by Elijahtheepic



Series: Miles Morales Is Struggling [3]
Category: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Peter B Parker is trying to BE responsible, The rest of this isn't as funny as the tags though, With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility, get it? B? BE????, i crack myself up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:13:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29349486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elijahtheepic/pseuds/Elijahtheepic
Summary: Peter B Parker isn't used to being a mentor of any sort, but the past few months are clearly taking a toll on Miles. If only he could figure out what to do about that.(Alternatively: B reflects on the fact that he was just a kid when he started the whole Spiderman thing. And Miles only 14.)
Relationships: Miles Morales & Peter B. Parker
Series: Miles Morales Is Struggling [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2143362
Kudos: 18





	I see him, I was him

**Author's Note:**

> I have a lot of feelings about the fact that the spiders started being heroes before they could legally even vote or drink, or in a few cases even get a part-time job. Also, I don't see Peter B as an aged up, animated version of Tom Hollands' Peter Parker. Rather, I think a lot of Peters in the multiverse have similar experiences, and I thought it would be neat if Peter B shared the whole Civil War experience thing with Spidey from the MCU

Miles has bags the size of semi-trucks under his eyes and the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Peter got it, he really did. He had been there himself a little over 15 years prior. Some days it was a little too easy for everyone in his life, including himself, to forget he was only 15 when he had gone on that godforsaken Oscorp field trip. He had no one he could turn to so he had to figure out his new mutation by himself. He still remembered those first few days. The pain of his genetic code rewriting itself, shifting and changing and being mutated by that damn spider. Praying it was just the flu and that it could pass without a hospital trip.

And after? No one was there to teach him how to unstick to things. There was no How-To guide for not warping metal doorknobs by gripping them too tight. No Wikihow for dealing with developing an almost entirely new sense. There was stuff on the internet for coping with sensory overload, which had been useful. But there was nothing on how to emotionally cope when all of your senses got dialed up to 11. There was nothing on how someone should feel when they become enhanced.

There was no helpful advice that could be given on dealing with feeling like you the death of your own uncle.

Yeah, Peter could take a stab at how Miles was feeling. Because even if neither of them was truly at fault for their uncles’ deaths, it didn’t make the pain and guilt go away.

Looking back on his own past, the early days of Spider-Man, he was mildly horrified. He had been a child, barely 16, full of misplaced guilt, and fighting for his life against supervillains who would kill him without a second thought. He had no clue what he was doing when he started. 

Miles was similar. A woefully unprepared kid tossed into a shark tank without even knowing how to swim. Most of Peter wanted to grab him by the shoulders, turn him around and force him to go home. Force him to be safe. To have a childhood without worrying if he was strong enough to save the world. 

But he wasn't the kids’ parent. He couldn’t stop Miles from swinging out of his dorm room every night to fight muggers and rapists and killers. He couldn’t ground him or take away the suit. He had no authority, and honestly, he didn’t feel he had the right, to tell Miles to stop. He’d be a hypocrite.

All he could really do was help the kid stay alive. He could teach him to fight and swing. When he could talk down a gunman, and when he had to fight. Miles could learn how to word tips to the cops so they would be taken seriously. He could be taught how to handle a desperate criminal and the best ways to take down a supervillain. And most importantly he could be taught how and when to call for backup. Peter couldn’t forget that no one really taught him that as a kid, nor could he ignore how many times that almost killed him. 

And Miles truly was a kid. He was 14. Practically a baby! He was only in his freshman year of high school and he was out there beating up baddies and throwing out sassy one-liners. Dodging knives and saving the fucking multiverse. Peter hadn’t had a job with stakes that high until he was an adult, at least 19! Miles had seen a man killed in front of him, his uncle. Peter knew how traumatizing that was, but to actually go up against his uncle’s murderer who had been actively trying to murder Miles too… Peter had no idea how Miles had done it. How did Miles even handle that?

Poorly, if the fatigue in the kids’ general disposition these days was anything to go by. There wasn’t a spider in the multiverse without mental health problems, but it didn’t make watching Miles suffer any easier.

It wasn’t like he didn’t try to help. Peter could talk about breathing techniques, grounding techniques, and coping mechanisms until he was blue in the face, but that wouldn’t make Miles Listen. He tried to talk but the kid didn’t want to talk. Miles always redirected things with a joke or he just turned invisible and swung away. Which was super annoying, and exactly the same reaction Peter would have had at that age. 

Peter didn’t want Miles to turn out like him, repressing and avoiding his feelings. Not communicating. Not processing. It never ended well. No, Peter wanted Miles to be better, healthier than he was. A Spider who could not only save the public but could save himself. 

(Somewhere in the back of his mind he was reminded of his 15-year-old self. Standing on a dock in his suit, mask off. And Tony Stark, not Iron Man, disappointed and angry and right in front of him. Scolding him like Stark was his Uncle or something.

“I just wanted to be like you”

“And I wanted you to be better”)

Miles was a kid, a child. A 14-year-old boy who had been through a lot and was going to continue to go through a lot. Being Spider-Man was a lot to ask of him, but Miles had what no other spider ever had when they were first starting out: a support system. People were there for Miles. The Spiders, Aunt May, his roommate. No other spider that any of them had met across the multiverse had ever had that kind of support behind them, at least not within the first few months. Some of them still didn’t.

But Miles was different, that’s what Peter kept telling himself. He was struggling now, but he wouldn’t forever. Because Miles had parents who clearly cared about him if what the kid said was true. He had friends who already knew his secret. He had his universes’ Aunt May and he had another universes’ Peter Parker. He had people who were there for him, to help him through whatever was going on. It wouldn’t be easy. Mental health issues could never be easy. Peter knew all too well they were hardest for the person actually having the issues in the first place. But Miles had so many people who were quietly reaching out to help him

All Miles had to do was reach back.

**Author's Note:**

> Mental health stuff is hard. Even if you do have a support system, reaching out to use it can be one of the toughest things. Sometimes it's fear of how people will react. Sometimes it's because you feel like you should be able to handle it on your own. Sometimes even if you have support, you don't realize it because sometimes mental illness likes to trick you into thinking you're unloved. 
> 
> To anyone reading this who's going through it right now, please don't be afraid to reach out for help. If you don't feel safe going to anyone in your personal life, one of my favorite resources is the crisis text line (Text HOME to 741741). Trust me, it helps. 
> 
> Up next is Miles realizing that even though Spiderman always gets up, he's allowed to have people help him to his feet.


End file.
